Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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