i think my tv is drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
