I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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