dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
