I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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