I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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