I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
