I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
