Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
