I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
