Are we in a gay sports bar?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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