He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
