we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
