I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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