she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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