lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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