the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
