Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
