Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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