I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
farters have to be the big spoon...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
