I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
