8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
