I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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