You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
