i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
