my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
