On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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