then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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