i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
