o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
