I need to stop coming to work sober
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize