How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
