dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
