he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Apparently you make a good broom.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
