and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
