Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
