I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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