please come you make the beer taste better
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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