Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
