I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
