I love black thongs
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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