idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
