It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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