You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
