Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
BRING THE BAGELS
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
