there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
