Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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