she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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