This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize