There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
