I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize