I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
