I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
