Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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