woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
