Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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