Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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