I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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