She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
