So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
