My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
