Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
