He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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